thoughts (and girly things)

I just purchased some horribly ugly pink fabric with which I will fashion a costume to be Deb from Napoleon Dynamite (complete with puffy sleeves). Deb is a pretty easy costume though, apart from the puffy sleeves, just wear a baby blue sweater, white pants and a fanny pack, and do a side ponytail and you're good to go. :) Bonus points if you have the keychains!

Hi Honey, as you can see, I tried to reach you by email but failed miserably. So here you go ...

To: kelseyfrost@comcast.net
Subject: ohmygod i have so many e-dresses for you

I have no idea if this is your current address or not. I seem to have about a dozen of them in my address book.

Anyway, I just spent some time with your blog and felt compelled to write to you.

Kelsey, everything you are feeling about yourself and grad school and teaching is absolutely normal. I know because it is exactly how I felt in grad school. So unless we're both whack jobs, we have to assume that this is what grad school feels like. There are days when you feel good and strong and sure and days when you know for a fact that it was a dumb shit idea. You are tired and stressed all the time and probably take it home with you so you end up feeling crappy about the time you and Dave have together, too.

So ... where am I seven years out? Glad I went? Yes. Definitely. Was it the "right" degree/career path? I think so.

As for the insecurity about your teaching? It's the same for me, and I bet for your Dad, too. I am feeling more and more that I know what I'm doing, but not all the time and not in every area of my job. Some things I know I do well, others not so much.

I remember asking Bob when he finally knew for sure that he did the right thing in becoming a minister ( you can insert the word, "teacher" here, I think.). He said," After I'd been doing it for about five years. and there are still days when I wonder about it." So far, I am thinking he was right on. When I get to five years, I'll let you know. I've only really been at it for two and half.

I figure at some point you just have to make a choice. You just have to say, I'm gonna do this. Real honestly, I think I only made that choice myself, very recently. Like within the last few days.

So, you're not off track with all your squirrely doubts and fears and insecurities. They will diminish - come and go - and eventually you will either feel like you're in the right place, or you won't. But you will have the degree and the experience and a better jumping off point for whatever comes next.

Hang in there sweetie pie. I love you so much. If I think of any more wise shit to tell you, I'll be in touch.

mommy

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